There is a very good reason I chose to be a blogger, and it had nothing to do with using it to make a living. Rather, it was all about the therapy. Yes, you read that correctly, Blogging is my therapy! Journaling on the interwebs (aka blogging) was my Psychiatrist, Psychologist, and Therapist… I think you get what I am saying.
In fact, this isn’t my first blog. I have another blog called “TheBipolarMuse”, and as you can imagine by the title, it is about my struggles with mental health issues. Blogging for me was a way to get the darkness out, and I found great joy in connecting with others struggling with mental health issues. I also found great importance in mental health awareness, and trying to stop the stigma associated with it.
The Beginning Of My Love Affair With Words.
Since childhood, I handled my depressions through words. Poetry was my first love, having come under its spell in the 5th grade when I had to find a poem I loved and recite it in front of the class. This was quite a feat considering this was before the days of the internet!
We had to rely on libraries, and Encyclopedia Sets you could buy from the door to door traveling salesman. Information was much more difficult to come by back then. Nothing like today with the availability of information at the tip of our fingers with our SmartPhones. I had to search for that poem, and of course I found one I loved by Shel Silverstein. I can honestly say I never looked back.
Writing for me was second nature, which only made sense to me because I loved to read! If everyone could be so lucky, right? That love affair never ended, and I wrote hundreds of Poems and Songs in my younger years, and it evolved into journaling, and then right into Blogging. Thank God I loved it because I was going to need it one day. But more about that later…
For 11 years now, I have been struggling with chronic pain. Of course I have a Fibromyalgia diagnosis, to go along with a slew of other diagnosis. It started mostly as pelvic pain but has evolved to be pelvic/bladder, lower back, upper thigh, and tailbone pain. Oh, and rib-cage pain. I freaking hurt to some degree, all day long. And it sucks.
After taking a short hiatus from trying to figure it out, I am now actively seeking the cause of my symptoms again. I had to take time off from going to the doctors constantly because I was so tired of the doctors just throwing darts at a board. They can’t figure it out, so they slap some diagnosis on me and treat my symptoms instead of trying to figure out the cause.
It was becoming too overwhelming so I needed that break. I decided to actively investigate the cause again after getting really sick. It could have been the flu, but I was sick in a way I have never experienced before, and it absolutely terrified me. So I am now back to trying to figure it out. Please send me loving vibes to help me get through it all!
Let me start this by saying that the Universe has taught me a lesson, and truly humbled me with this. Actually, the Universe has taught me many lessons that have humbled me, but this one is another story, and at the top of the list. Sometimes it doesn’t matter if you eat everything considered healthy, you exercise the recommended amount, and refrain from bad crap like bacon, vodka, and smoking, and smack. You ready for this? You still can get sick. Humbling much? Oh hell yea.
After living a life of moderation, I have been gifted with an immune system that hates my guts. My immune system is seriously a psychopath, and on a rampage inside my body. I have an elevated ANA Titer, which I guess means my immune system thinks it’s world war 3, and is multiplying its army for no apparent reason. There is no threat that can be found, but it wants a war.
The Doc has ruled out Lupus, but Sjogrens Syndrome is next on the list, and it is looking like a great Match dot com connection. Considering I already have a diagnosis for Interstitial Cystitis (also known as Painful Bladder Syndrome), I am already halfway there! I say that because for some reason Interstitial Cystitis is listed as a symptom of Sjogrens. Wish me luck as I travel this road and try to get it figured out.
I already mentioned managing my depression with words, so I am sure you picked up on that. I have always had a little black rain cloud, and can remember feeling depressed since I was 11 years old. The timing was incredible for my love affair with poetry and words. The depression was my muse, and I felt being moody helped my creativity!
As I got older, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (also known as manic depression), panic disorder, and general anxiety. It took many mistakes, many heartbreaks, and a
n almost cruel Universe to get to the root of the issue. I had a Britney moment.
You remember don’t you? The infamous pictures of Britney Spears shaving her head, followed with images of her in the back of an ambulance for having a mental breakdown. If you recall, this all happened after she had her two boys. She had two pregnancies back to back, with little time between pregnancies. And after having her second child, she began to unravel. Leading to her parents stepping in and taking care of her finances while giving her an allowance to live on. KFed (remember that shiz??) got custody of their boys.
So yea, something similar happened to me. Not the shaved head part, but the unraveling after having two back to back pregnancies part. And it happened to me TWICE. Not the pregnancies, but the breakdowns. UUUGGGHHhhhh it was totally horrible, but I finally got the hint after the second time. And so once I realized this was the case, I had my tubes tied. Problem freakin solved!
Labels Should Stick To Being Sticky Paper
For a long time I bought into the disability myth, and I am effin done with it! I have learned that having a disability is not exactly a disability… it is just a unique perspective, and what it’s not… is that it is not a total limiter. Don’t believe me? How about this guy?
Inspired yet? How about this girl who has her own YouTube thing going on. She is not only “disabled”, she is also 13years old. Oh, and she has Progeria which causes her to age 8-10 times faster than everyone else. Is she limited to you?
If you buy into the “disability myth”, you need to change what you believe in! Change your beliefs, and you truly change your life.
I no longer want to be dumbed down. I am ready for my pill Neo because this Matrix sucks and I no longer want to believe in the BS that is fed to everyone with a so-called disability. The label, as well as the disability myth, is being thrown out the door. I no longer give life, or power to that bullcrap.
How Blogging Fits In
When I first began blogging, it was simply a journal stored online. I got to pour my heart out while practicing my typing, and it became a very therapeutic process for me. I was connecting with other bloggers who lived with similar physical, and mental issues, while constantly looking for inspiring content to share.
Over time I began to notice a change, and it was a big change. I was happier. Not only happier, but I started to get excited to make another blog post. I know there was no way it was a coincidence that I was feeling happiness, excitement, hope, and passion. Blogging sparked something inside of me for the better, and now I am ecstatic to share this with everyone I can get to listen!
I learned first hand that happiness becomes more abundant when you make it a choice, and you surround yourself with everything happy and positive. It is totally in line with the “Which Wolf Do You Feed?” question ( of which you can read about here). Every day was filled with all things positive, and the more I put in, the more I got out of it. It was the law of attraction manifesting right before my eyes.
Help Me Help You
I have watched my happiness soar, identified my passions and started pursuing them, and I have watched my self-esteem grow each day. I have also become more confident, recognize my worth, and am thrilled to share all I have learned with you, and have nothing but faith that you can find your center, give the middle finger to the disability myth, and live your dreams too. If I can do it, trust me, you can too!
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